We all operate and find identity through labeling ourselves in different ways and with each label comes a different interpretation for the roles that we are supposed to play when placing ourselves into these different categories. Each label (ie: sister, brother, daughter, son, wife, husband, lover, companion, friend, mother, father) carries a different personal/social obligation that we must abide by in order to adequately fit that role. However, what seems to complicate things is the way that each of these labels is open to interpretation and how two people may have conflicting perspectives on how one should fulfill each station (boyfriend, friend). Alternately, some labels seem to have very rigid structures that become so deeply embedded into our social fabric that the definition becomes universal and the role cannot be adequately fulfilled unless you adhere to this fixed guideline (Republican, Christian).
Many people try to avoid labels in order to dodge the obligation that comes with them, “We’re just dating, it’s not like we’re in a relationship.” Others opt to use certain labels in place of others in order to maintain a certain distance “ie: father in place of dad (or sperm donor if you really want to drive the point home.)” The point is that we can’t escape labels or the pressure that comes with falling under one. For some, this creates an environment to thrive in, while for others this is a source of great anxiety and isolation.
For me, it has been a combination of both: First, in trying to find out how I fit into each of my primary god-given labels (black, male), remaining vigilant in avoiding the seedy influence of American culture. While, at the same time, working on comfortably defining my self-proclaimed labels (friend, boyfriend, etc.) trying to be respectful yet vigilant, once again, in filtering through the pressures and expectations being projected onto me by friends and lovers who have defined their roles differently.
Overall I try to avoid labels because, as Soren Kierkegaard had put it, “Once you label me, you negate me.” Because, whether or not I define myself in the same way as what you have yourself perceived a label to mean, you will undoubtedly assume that I fit your definition. This is a game that I will avoid at all costs. And this brings me to the specific point of this blog post, a label that I’m somewhat averse to placing upon myself: Spirituality. Ah but yes, of course!
Spirituality, to me, is like a new religion that avoids the label much like I avoid being called boyfriend by my lover (I jest!). But in all seriousness, in my time of running a business, vending at spiritual events, attending yoga, and working in health and wellness, I have encountered a vast array of self-proclaimed spiritualists and, more often than not, it is a clear role that they have undertaken to display in one way or another. I’ve discovered that with this label comes a whole host of rituals, like any religion: Do you do yoga? Do you meditate? Are you vegan? Do you study sacred geometry? Do you wear gemstones? And collectively this comes to define your level of commitment to becoming enlightened. This is all wonderful and lovely and each one of these are great tools for connecting with the deeper self but not necessarily as essential as the spiritual community has made them out to be.
Not to be dramatic but, as the quote goes, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” And what all of this outward spirituality seems to have done is create a visible standard for what it is to be spiritual. A loose but very clear definition that has embraced many in its relative universality but also isolated many others. I’m gearin’ up folks hold onto your socks!
And as I stood there at my booth, high noon, barefoot, a fifty-something woman dressed like a ballerina waving a wand over me and whispering blessings in the secret language of fairies, there was one single thought that stood out in my mind, “What the hell am I doing here?” I was on this path trying to integrate myself into the spiritual community in order to deepen my own spirituality, but instead I found a dozen examples of what I did not want to become. Thus was my greatest mistake, a mistake that many of us are making, a mistake that’s driving many of us away from our spiritual nature: Trying to define our spirituality through factors outside of ourselves. Again, “There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground” but, in actuality, there is a way for each and every one of us! So why do we look to others for direction? Why do we attempt to translate the language of our own soul through another’s interpretation? Isn’t that what religion does?
Every single one of us is a spiritual being having a human experience and regardless of how many veils separate any one of us from this realization, the same rings true for all. Therefore, we can all find ourselves at varying stages along a spiritual path.
I once had a friend with a manner so vile, his tongue constantly poised to release slanderous venom toward any unsuspecting victim, who with every breath in his lungs denied any spiritual ideas or affiliations (unlikely friend, I know). But, while sharing space with this friend I was able to reach a deeper understanding of the great pain that lived within his heart and accounted for his abrasive manner. And hidden like a pearl in his core, muffled by layers and layers of past trauma, karma, resentment, grudge, self hate, aggression, etc. existed this warm glow of spirituality; His soul was pure, like that of a child’s. He would isolate himself for days, weeks, sometimes months at a time on a trail immersed within the beauty of nature, having some of the deepest most profoundly spiritual experiences that a vast majority of us never put ourselves in the position to experience for ourselves. And although he would be the first to disagree, in my eyes he was immensely spiritual, he was just denying his own spirit because he found himself at odds with the labels that others had put on spirituality. But there was a certain beauty to this as well, the artless sophistication of his atheism, a blind passenger driven by spirit, while us, the spiritualists, stand at the helm pleading to our spirit for guidance.
But the common bond that we share is the fact that we ALL know EXACTLY how to be spiritual, it is in the beauty of what we love, we just don’t know how to define it for ourselves which either puts us on a fevered pursuit for ways in which we can become more spiritual or drives us away from embracing it altogether, I’ve done both! But now I’ve defined my terms and concluded that I don’t want to have to wear all white sustainable clothing, become vegan, eliminate my ego, do yoga, meditate, say namaste, resist consumerism, understand how the planetary alignment affects my everyday life, not tell dirty jokes, and not listen to ‘The Chronic 2001’. And I don’t think you have to keep on acting like you’re not an uptight, self-centered, egomaniac just because you abide by these guidelines, it’s only holding you back. At any given moment each one of us has hundreds of veils that we must remove before we have reached any level of awareness. My point is: You are NOT going to get to the delicious tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop with only 3 licks ya dig?
You have learnt so much
And read a thousand books.
Have you ever read your Self?
You have gone to mosque and temple.
Have you ever visited your soul?
You are busy fighting Satan.
Have you ever fought your
Ill intentions?
You have reached into the skies,
But you have failed to reach
What’s in your heart!Bulleh Shah
Natural Mystic 